Oh, you shouldn’t have!

I am probably getting ahead of myself. Isn’t it a little soon to be talking registries? I mean, we haven’t even sent out all our “Save the Dates.” Well, according to The Knot, it’s never too soon:

“What are you waiting for? Registering for wedding gifts should be one of the first tasks you tackle when you get engaged. Friends and relatives will be looking to buy wedding gifts as soon as he pops the question. Really! Take the guesswork out of gift buying by making sure they know what you want. You don’t need to complete your list just yet, but at least have a selection for guests to browse.”

Really! You mean you didn’t start drafting a Favorites list on Crateandbarrel.com right after he introduced you to his friends? You didn’t consider which color KitchenAid would go best with that dish towel that was hanging on his oven door the first time you spent the night? Time’s a-wastin’, girlfriend! Our advertisers are getting antsy…

I used to think there was something a little off-putting about registries (shouldn’t gifts be a little more, I don’t know, from the heart?), until I had the opportunity to make one for myself. Now I’m just put off that we can’t register EVERYWHERE. It sure would be nice to be able to go on Orbitz or Travelocity, pick out some locales we’ve never been to and some dates that work for us, and say “Buy me a vacation!” Or, hey, the front bumper is starting to fall off my car – why doesn’t my mechanic offer a registry program? “Randy’s Newlywed Special: Free oil change with every $150 purchased toward your big day!” Or Trader Joe’s? I could really do with a $75 supply of their peanut butter-filled pretzels.

Instead, I have my pick of martini stirrers, strawberry hullers, and egg separators, which, obviously, are things I’ve already owned for years, so I guess now is just an excuse to upgrade. That reminds me, our sheets are starting to feel a little…factory farmed. Thank God for Pottery Barn and its new line of organic bedding (and towels!). I will sleep better knowing the cotton that died to make our marital sheets had a good life. Not to mention, our choice of linens will help to offset the huge carbon footprint of our wedding!

Spending so much time at these stores and on their web sites can beset the thoughtful bride with pangs of guilt. “F@#k this bamboo dish rack! Let’s just have our guests donate to a charity in our name.” But how do you politely ask them to do that? Isn’t there too much controversy around charities? Will it make you look self-righteous? And how will the discussions with parents go? “No, Dad, the RNC is not a charity.” This option is admirable if you can figure out how to do it the right way, and I’m curious to hear suggestions. In the meantime, I’ll be picking out the perfect cordial glasses and an ergonomically correct avocado pitter.

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9 Comments on “Oh, you shouldn’t have!”

  1. Sarah says:

    “dish towel”

  2. Sheena says:

    So for serious: the registry takes a really long time and is a huge pain in the butt, but it’s better than 200 people trying to guess what you’d like (You’re going to get 60 sets of wine glasses anyway, and none of them will match). So that’s why The Knot is all on your case about it.

  3. edstirling says:

    we opened a paypal account and called it our “bigger house fund” ’cause our kitchen was too full of shit already. most people just gave to that and they all understand that everyone has too much stuff already. i did get a really awesome lawn aerator though.

  4. Mim says:

    I hear that instead of registering at Twattery Barn or Crap and Barrel, the thing to do is to register at Bed Bath and Beyond, to which you can return everything. For cash. Just sayin’.

  5. skepticbride says:

    Sarah: you are wicked!

    Sheena: any advice on what to register for or where to register? Where did your favorite gifts come from? I started a list at Crate & Barrel, but it’s all kitchen items. I’m out of ideas – Lars and I already have too much junk between the two of us.

    Chris: I’d be curious to hear the reactions from your guests! Tempting idea.

    Mim: Also tempting. I feel kind of wrong just knowing that! What happened to the old days of cash envelopes?

  6. Ellie says:

    So we wound up registering with Bed Bath & Beyond, Pampered Chef, and MyRegistry.com which was basically a wishlist. People got us the stuff from MyRegistry that was from Amazon or easy to order online – but you can also just register with Amazon, which means you can get other useful things for your house at a reasonable price.
    The places to register at a charity through are the IDo Foundation and JustGive.org – my cousins did that, since they didn’t really need much. You can pick a couple of charities that are important to you.
    We happened to be at exactly the right point to register, which is that we had just moved into a bigger apartment and all of our appliances were falling apart and we were still using crummy hand-me-down plates and glasses and our dishes from college had taken a lot of abuse. So our entire kitchen pretty much warranted an upgrade and people love to buy you appliances that are in the $65-100 range. We also registered for some slightly unorthodox things, like a new showerhead, a bike rack, camping pads, a suitcase, etc. You can register for anything you want and people will buy it.

    If what you really need is cash, tell your parents and his parents – usually people will ask them what you “really” want and they can spread the word.

  7. skepticbride says:

    Ellie: Yes! Amazon! Good idea. Thanks for passing all that info along. I always thought I had a pretty well-stocked kitchen, but now every time I cook I’m like “are 8 year-old wooden spoons sanitary?” or “this cheese grater is not as sharp as it used to be,” so it might be worth it to upgrade. I figure there won’t be any similar opportunities for the rest of our lives! Also: bike rack = brilliant.

  8. Sarah says:

    Diana, we know each other from when we were a mere 18 years old; Sheena mentioned that you have this site so I came to check it out. I’m getting married in Sept and also don’t understand what I used to think about all day before wedding planning. Hopefully I will remember again after the wedding.

    I registered forever ago due to parental pressures (and b/c it’s fun to pick out gifts–we own nothing), but C & B has already discontinued a third of the stuff I picked! Now they have their Spring 2011 collection for the exact same things just in a different color. Very annoying!

  9. skepticbride says:

    Hi Sarah, good to year from you – can’t believe how long it’s been since our first year at Barnard! Sheena told me you were planning your wedding – congrats! I guess that’s something to think about re: registering. All those stores seem to change their entire stock every season. It keeps The Knot (and us brides) busy at least! Have fun with your planning and thanks for reading.


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