I Can’t Wait to Be Married

Many people like to remind me I should be enjoying this time, because it’s such a happy and exciting time, they say, and it goes by so quickly. To that I want to say, ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? Maybe planning a wedding was a real treat back in the old days, when getting married was the pinnacle of young women’s lives, but not no more. What an unbelievable production it has become in the final three weeks. And it really doesn’t help that I am both lazy and obsessive. Procrastinating becomes that much more torturous when you spend all your time thinking about all the things you should do without actually doing any of them!

In lieu of obsessing about the seating chart, I’m trying to look to the far future (and by “far,” I mean two and a half weeks from now). I’m daydreaming about all the things I’ll do with my free time, all the new hobbies I’ll take up, all the books I will read, all the delicious meals I will cook in our new kitchen, all the great non-wedding-focused conversations I’ll get to have with my new husband. I’ll also become a superior employee, a kinder and more dutiful daughter, and a champion of those in need. I’ll call my friends more often and visit my grandmother at least once a week. I’ll remember to send birthday cards. Heck, I’ll start making birthday presents since I’ll become such a prolific crafter. I’ll start a garden in our new yard and I will even maintain it. I’ll do volunteer work and I’ll stop using the excuse “no one is paying me to do this!” for not showing up. I’ll take weekend getaways with Special Someone and maybe I’ll learn to appreciate “hiking” – that strange uphill-walking activity that so many people inexplicably enjoy. I’m sure I’m just missing something, but I will find it soon enough.

I’ll read the entire newspaper instead of just the food section. I’ll become a tourist in my own city. I’ll go to yoga. I’ll bike to the grocery store and the library. I’ll introduce myself to our new neighbors and invite them over for barbecues. I’ll be better about automotive maintenance and I may even try to learn some basic handiwork myself. I’ll stop drinking so much. I’ll stop cursing so much. I’ll finally get all those clothes tailored that have just been sitting in my closet with the tags still on because I never got around to getting them altered. Shoot, maybe I’ll even learn how to alter them myself, why the hell not? I’ll iron Special Someone’s shirts. Wait, who am I kidding, the guy works from home and anyway he’s a grown man and can pick up a g-ddamn… Excuse me. I’ll scoop the cat litter daily. I’ll start going to book club again and not only will I actually read the books, I’ll even write insightful comments in the margins which will translate into brilliant discussion questions. I’ll visit my twin brothers at their respective colleges or, failing that, at least call them once in a damn while. I’ll start asking people more about themselves instead of just carrying on about myself and my wedding, like I’m doing here. I’ll organize my office and I’ll start doing all the things I tell my boss I will do, but never end up doing (wonder if he has noticed that little habit of mine). Speaking of which, I’ll stop blogging at work.

Yep, I can’t wait to be married! Drudgery, boredom, and petty arguments, bring it on! Okay, maybe not the petty arguments – we’ve had enough of those over the wedding playlist lately. But sweet, sweet boredom, it’s you that I crave. And if the inclination to pursue all of the above-listed activities eludes me — and it will — at least I know I’ll have the time.



4 Comments on “I Can’t Wait to Be Married”

  1. Sheena says:

    Planning a wedding sucks. Weddings are awesome. As is being married.

    Also, I don’t have strep! Let’s go drinking.

  2. Nicole says:

    OMG, seriously! I am DYING. Yesterday was the 1 month mark, and I cannot wait for this Hell to be OVER!

  3. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know how I found your blog, but I read your latest post and I feel the exact same way. I kept thinking, “I could have written this.” I’m getting married Aug 20— can’t wait to get it over with!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Well, you are no longer a bride-to-be, you are a married woman now! And all the worry/planning/obsessing panned out because it was an absolutely wonderful wedding. You looked so beautiful and everything turned out just great!
    Enjoy the after-glow of it all and if you manage to do all those things on your list, share your secret!
    Your new sister-in-law

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